Rules of the Self-Righteous Society
- Find a religion (like Christianity….or Islam….or Judaism….or Hinduism…or Buddhism—any ole religion will probably do) that separates the good people from the bad, and identify fully with the good people. (Sheep and goats, saved and damned, clean and unclean, etc.)
- Learn the judgment language of your chosen religion and use it often and with the necessary scorn. (That’s an abomination. God says…. Scripture tells us… I am called by God. Don’t you believe in [the Bible, Jesus, the Way….]?)
- Study 13 year old boys and girls to learn how to separate from undesirables.
- Never say “I don’t know.” Avoid all expressions of ignorance. (I’m not sure. Let me find out. I’m not the one to ask about that.)
- Always make excuses with authority, especially when a group of people think you are wrong or at fault (Don’t you hate it when you’re the only one who is right?)
- When talking in public, pretend you are running for President of the USA.
- If you are a Democrat, think like a Republican. (All Republicans are self-righteous, uppity snobs.)
- If you are a Republican, think like a Democrat. (All Democrats are self-righteous, effete, do-gooders.)
Motto: I’m OK; You’re Not OK (Variations: I’m Right; You’re Wrong. I’m smart; you’re dumb.)
Slogan: Be Superior.
Theme Song: “I Am a Rock. I Am an Island” by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel
Law of the Self-Righteous Society:
I am…
…more trustworthy
more loyal
more helpful
more friendly
more courteous
more kind
more obedient
more cheerful
more thrifty
more brave
definitely cleaner
and, of course, more reverent…
…than anyone else.
Compiled by the President, Membership Chair, and Rule-Maker of the SRS, who is, in fact, still the only member: me. (Unfortunately, you don’t qualify. But don’t be upset, I haven’t yet found anyone else qualified for membership.)