Returning after a couple of years of neglect

Confession: I have neglected this website for about two years.

I’m back at it for a few reasons. One is that I’m now close enough to the age of retirement (I’m 64) that I think I need a public forum that will help me find meaning in this process. Two is that I keep finding that people ask men and women of my age for their wisdom. Having little of that, I nonetheless find that writing helps me articulate some of my perceptions about life. An almost old man needs a place and time to try to make sense of life.

So let me jump right in with what’s on my mind today: simplicity happens after a long period of complexity. For example, at my age I’m still juggling counseling schedules, teaching assignments, public speaking engagements, writing projects, music practice and performances, social life, exercise, married life, grandchildren, extended family, professional trips to conferences and meetings, personal vacation trips. My life is seriously complicated. It has been for a long time.

Strangely, though, it feels relatively simple. I get up early each morning and go for a 4 to 5 mile walk and run. Then I work 3 to 4 hours in the morning, take 1 to 2 hours for a lunch break, work 2-3 hours in the afternoon. Go for a bike ride, watch the news, talk with Susan, read or watch some of our favorite TV shows or a movie, check my email and look at Facebook one last time, and read until I start dropping the magazine. It’s really a pretty simple day. It’s almost as good as a vacation trip, except that I’m dealing with people who need serious help.

What’s the difference between simplicity and complexity? It might be routine. When my day is disciplined and predictable, I think I’m living a simple life.

That said, I must add the one bit of wisdom my patients have taught me: simplicity without adventure is not meaningful enough. So maybe simplicity needs complexity so that complex problems can surprise us with some regularity and keep simply living from becoming boring.

Perhaps this blog will help me stay alive and happy as I try to hang onto the simple pleasure of sharing.

Violence and Colliding Myths

Violence and Colliding Myths

Violence is close to two myths we live by: the myth of redemptive violence and the myth of redemptive suffering.

A myth is a story that speaks the truth about our human condition, so this is not about two falsehoods, but two views of the truth about redemption.

The myth of redemptive violence is the idea that sometimes violence against evil or injustice redeems the good or just. It is the principle behind spanking children and disabling (through violence) an evil-doer. Violence like spanking and fighting happen when cannot think of anything more effective. Good thinking and good preparation normally give us a large repertoire of responses to bad behavior, making most violence unnecessary. Hence violence is primarily redemptive as a last resort. When we run out of options to stop bad or evil behavior, assertive, surprising, or overwhelming violence can stop it. It’s not the best option, but we’re human. We don’t always know a better way, and inaction is often worse than violence.

The myth of redemptive suffering is the idea that deep within everyone is a conscience that knows when we have truly done wrong, and the visible suffering of the wronged will eventually cause the perpetrator to stop. In much of Western culture it is the foundational myth of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Christians assert that his suffering redeemed the world. The fundamental meaning of the cross is that it draws humankind back to its true and good self, correcting what is wrong by lifting up love at its best. It is what Martin Luther King, Jr., Gandhi, and Jesus taught: that by receiving the violence of the unjust or evil-doer, we reach out to what Quakers call “that of God within” and by challenging conscience the perpetrator changes. It is a radical principle, requiring an extraordinary level of courage and a willingness to sacrifice one’s body or life for this redemptive principle.

The myth of redemptive violence is the more obvious myth we live by. We see it from Hollywood constantly. At the end of almost all television crime shows and Hollywood shoot-‘em-up movies is the violent destruction of the evil-doer by the heroic good guy or gal. When the hero finally gets to annihilate the evil-doer, we feel redemption. The blow to the jaw the bad guy gets is the great “Yes!” of justice. War is also mostly about redemptive violence. Even though soldiers suffer at times, it is preceded by the soldier’s attempt to inflict suffering on the enemy. Unfortunately, violence almost always creates the seed-bed for resentment and an underground plan for “redemptive” violence from the opposite perspective. The myth of redemptive violence is not very effective in the long run.

We don’t see much of the myth of redemptive suffering, not in America at least. The last phase of our history when we saw it consistently was during the civil rights movement. When Martin Luther King, Jr., championed nonviolence it was primarily effective because protestors were willing to suffer, not inflict suffering. It required a level of courage and a belief in the redemptive nature of suffering that was transformative to both those who supported injustice and violence and those who suffered from injustice and violence. Though we don’t see much of it first-hand anymore, we are witness to it all over the world in events like the Arab Spring where people assemble and in receiving the blows of the powerful, redeem the power of the people (and in many cases even befriend the powerful). The myth of redemptive suffering is slow, painful and, in the long run, very effective.

The myth of redemptive violence pulls violent people together against perpetrators in such a way that the two opposing communities become wrapped up in enemy-thinking. It works against reconciliation, depending on a great shift to grace when victory is won by one side or the other. The winner of violent conflict is the one who feels redeemed, and peace will then be sustained if the winner treats the loser like a friend—which is very hard to do, both because it’s such a dramatic shift in thinking and because the loser seethes inside.

The myth of redemptive suffering encourages dialog instead of spontaneous combustion. Dialog is encouraged, even demanded of the perpetrator. When an officer walks unarmed into a hostage situation and talks the perpetrator into disarming and surrendering, that is based upon the myth redemptive suffering. It is the willingness to die, rather than kill, and the courage it takes to go that far is part of what makes the perpetrator succumb to his or her own conscience. That officer also has to have a community supportive of such courage, a community that is willing to let the officer die just as the hostages might. And, of course, behind the negotiations is the threat of violence, which is why violence can be redemptive—it can sometimes stop further violence by the perpetrator.

I am not writing against the myth of redemptive violence. I am suggesting that the myth of redemptive suffering is the more powerful myth, the more effective strategy, the one we need to live by as first priority, and that the myth of redemptive violence need to be a last resort.

The longer we live by the myth of redemptive violence as first priority, the more often we will see Newtown, Connecticuts.

We need to lift up the myth of redemptive suffering. It might mean rating some violent video games and movies XXX. We might stop the purchase and ownership of individual assault weapons and maiming bullets. We need to think differently. We need to learn alternatives to spanking our children. We need to curb our violent language. We need an incredible change in our self-discipline, and a place to begin is to admit that we prioritize the wrong myth.

In America, because we use violence used too freely and too quickly, it is not redemptive. I believe there is a time for violence—but it is far down the road. It is an option when we cannot come up with another option. And the smarter we get, the further down the road that option is.

The place to begin is to find the courage to embrace suffering for a purpose, much like the athlete does with rigorous training. If we must arm ourselves, let us arm ourselves with the courage to be disciplined and unafraid, especially in the face of evil.

The Self-Righteous Society

Rules of the Self-Righteous Society

  1. Find a religion (like Christianity….or Islam….or Judaism….or Hinduism…or Buddhism—any ole religion will probably do) that separates the good people from the bad, and identify fully with the good people. (Sheep and goats, saved and damned, clean and unclean, etc.)
  2. Learn the judgment language of your chosen religion and use it often and with the necessary scorn. (That’s an abomination. God says…. Scripture tells us… I am called by God. Don’t you believe in [the Bible, Jesus, the Way….]?)
  3. Study 13 year old boys and girls to learn how to separate from undesirables.
  4. Never say “I don’t know.” Avoid all expressions of ignorance. (I’m not sure. Let me find out. I’m not the one to ask about that.)
  5. Always make excuses with authority, especially when a group of people think you are wrong or at fault (Don’t you hate it when you’re the only one who is right?)
  6. When talking in public, pretend you are running for President of the USA.
  7. If you are a Democrat, think like a Republican. (All Republicans are self-righteous, uppity snobs.)
  8. If you are a Republican, think like a Democrat. (All Democrats are self-righteous, effete, do-gooders.)

Motto: I’m OK; You’re Not OK (Variations: I’m Right; You’re Wrong. I’m smart; you’re dumb.)

Slogan: Be Superior.

Theme Song: “I Am a Rock. I Am an Island” by Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel

Law of the Self-Righteous Society:

I am…

…more trustworthy

more loyal

more helpful

more friendly

more courteous

more kind

more obedient

more cheerful

more thrifty

more brave

definitely cleaner

and, of course, more reverent…

…than anyone else.

Compiled by the President, Membership Chair, and Rule-Maker of the SRS, who is, in fact, still the only member: me. (Unfortunately, you don’t qualify. But don’t be upset, I haven’t yet found anyone else qualified for membership.)

What’s to Not Like About Obama?

What’s to Not Like About Obama? (with help from E.J. Dionne)

  • Contrary to the pseudo-facts, he’s a natural born American who likes to play basketball and golf.
  • He’s part of an unusually attractive and cohesive family.
  • He grew up in a home with strong intergenerational ties despite a mostly missing father.
  • He’s a convert to Christianity who does not hate his father’s Muslim roots or his mother’s agnostic leanings.
  • He did just what we encourage our children to do: study hard and work hard (and good things happen).
  • Despite his modest means, he found a way to go to the best schools, where he was an outstanding student.
  • His so-called socialist policies certainly haven’t hurt the stock market that has risen about 6000 points since he took office—maybe the biggest jump in any 3 years in history.
  • His election in 2008 gave almost all Americans pride in showing the world that we are a nation that embraces diversity, which we usually do.
  • He’s good-looking, has stopped smoking, stays in shape, and is articulate with a melodious voice—kind of like Ronald Reagan.

There are good reasons to disagree with Obama, but this dislike is misplaced, misguided, and hypocritical.

Do we really need these words and phrases?

Do we really need these words and phrases?

  1. Athleticism: does anyone know what it means? I think it means “he can jump high.”
  2. Deconstruct: isn’t this a variation of destroy? Why can’t we analyze instead?
  3. Hydrate: doesn’t this have to do with drinking water? Can I just drink water instead?
  4. “My blood sugar is low”: what ever happened to “I’m really hungry”?
  5. Six-pack: do we really have to use a beer image for everything related to the gut?
  6. Earmark: does anybody really like using the image of ear-tags on pigs in our everyday conversations?
  7. Suck: how did this word become acceptable while other profane sexual images are treated like pornography?
  8. Enjoy: enjoy what? Just enjoy? Please tell me what to enjoy.
  9. “I gave it 110%”: Oh, really? I think once we go over 100%, which is all we got, we’re dead. So if you’re still alive, isn’t this a version of blasphemy?
  10. Power: are you tired of those “powerful new…” drugs, cars, ideas, weapons (and the worst) dramas? Is this power-madness a testosterone thing? Can’t we be merely strong, or just plain dramatic?

www.ron-mcdonald.com

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Believe Memphis Grizzlies

Our Memphis Grizzlies are currently on a run in the NBA Playoffs that is a major surprise to most of the basketball world. These are the same Grizzlies who were maligned almost universally just two years ago; the same team that was rumored to be leaving for a better town (one that would support a perennially losing team). Then we won our first playoff game in San Antonio, sold out the home games, kept winning more than losing, making so much noise at games and in games that we became the darlings of Memphians and maybe even the national media. “Believe Memphis” became our motto, and we sold out a home playoff game against the Oklahoma Thunder in five minutes. FIVE MINUTES!

The team has been transformed overnight into a team known for its toughness and never-give-up attitude. One national headline said that Memphis was playing like a team that’s been here before. This was a team whose star player, Zack Randolph–“Z-Bo”, was labeled a “thug.” Its worst offensive player, Tony Allen, was the inspirational leader (because of his “like white on rice” defense). Its most versatile player, Rudy Gay, was sidelined with injury. Its anchor, Marc Gasol, was once a giant soft boy from Spain and Memphis. Its on-the-court leader was only recently about to be declared a bust. Its substitutes, who were the worst in the league as recently as last year, were now one of the best second teams in the league. Where did this come from?

It came out of the blue, as if there was some magical touch.

Half of my counseling sessions now begin with a short discussion about the Grizzlies, and I know why. They represent hope and change. From a dysfunctional, half-depressed team (and town) to a self-actualizing, confident community in a span only a few discerning fans could see happening. Isn’t this what we all want? Can’t we change what ails us?

Just look at the Grizzlies and the answer is YES! Hang in there; get down and gritty. Work as a team; move from group to true community; don’t ever give up. Someday in its own time, in its own way, the real team, the real person, will emerge from potential to actuality.

No one knows if the Grizzlies will become champions, and we (Memphians) can’t say we don’t care. Of course we want them to go all the way. And as good as they appear to be, so are other teams, and we’d be surprised if they go much further in these playoffs. But they’ve sure made their mark. For now, once again, we believe. We have hope. We KNOW change can happen, seemingly overnight.

Institutionalization Issues

A quotation from W.T. Jones’ book, History of Western Philosophy: The Medieval Mind, (New York, Harcourt, Brace, and World, 1952), pp. 55-56:

Movements tend to be radical and extreme. As they are institutionalized, they become conservative and resist the very excitement and ferment that gave them birth. This is almost inevitable. An institution constitutes a lot of [people]; rules are needed to reduce the number of separate decisions that are made and so to minimize the changes of contradictory policies being initiated in different parts of the organization. But the rules are perforce designed for the general case, and since all actual cases are particular, the rule never exactly fits.

After the Recession, A Balanced Budget

AFTER THE RECESSION, A BALANCED BUDGET

When President Clinton left office in 2001, America had a balanced budget: income equaled expenditures. President Bush cut income (taxes) and raised expenditures, creating a massive deficit budget. In 2008 the great recession hit, further cutting income, and, in response, Bush and President Obama thought it was wise to increase expenditures to seek to soften the recession. The deficit soared.

If it is true that President Obama seeks to eventually move us back towards the balanced budget days in the late 1990s, then income must rise and expenditures fall. If we continue to rise out of this recession, then taxes will rise as personal and corporate income rises. When the recession is over, the “stimulus” spending will end with it. When the wars end, spending should decrease. Then all we have to look at to balance the budget are three things:

(1) we must decide if part of the spending budget will include paying down the national debt;

(2) we must decide if part of the spending budget will include cuts in entitlements;

(3) we must decide if part of our income will be new taxes, or the repeal of some or all of the Bush tax cuts.

In my opinion we should weather the deficit spending until we are clearly out of the recession—which must include a rise in employment. We all borrow money when we have to, and it’s not improper for the federal government to borrow money now.

However, when the recession is over, we must not ignore the national debt. Paying it down must be included in our expenditures. That’s the way families insure their financial futures, and common sense says that that’s the way governments should operate, too.

Entitlements have to be analyzed objectively and honestly. There are so many stories of the federal budget subsidizing out-of-date operations that we simply must not treat pet projects of a powerful representative as sacred cows. We need to trim the fat. Furthermore, we must end contracts that make people rich. No one should get rich from government contracts. That’s the people’s money, and it is being abused.

Tax income will rise once the recession is over, plus states, because of they have to balance their budgets, will have already raised taxes. Should the federal government raise taxes? I think we should look at this after we have truly been honest and tough with spending cuts. Long-term government spending is the real problem, not income.

I believe that the missing ingredient in this agenda is courage. Cutting spending after the recession ends, including debt reduction in the future budget, and considering raising taxes secondary to pet project cuts will require a level of political courage—which means the courage to do what’s right when it might mean you are voted out of office—that our representatives usually don’t have.

We can hope, though, can’t we?

Hope for Dialog

Hope for Dialog

It’s hard not to be a cynic when it comes to government administration of services, particularly when I see public works projects taking so much time that I think my brother and I could have done it in half the time with a pick axe and shovel. And, of course, the job is so expensive that if my brother and I were to do it for the same price, we’d achieve early retirement.

So, no, this liberal doesn’t want government doing what it often does. Nonetheless, it’s hard for me to listen to the criticism of President Obama when it’s goes in the direction of “Why are we in such trouble?” I don’t see why his use of the massive government apparatus in the middle of war, financial break-down, and ecological crisis is wrong. What do people want? To do nothing? Even George Bush did something.

In fact, Bush and the Republican-led Congress expanded government enormously, adding to the deficit when we had been watching it diminish, expanding a war without just cause (and asking for hardly any national sacrifice), and ignoring ecological problems.

I want a civil government that is efficient, provides appropriate oversight, but doesn’t get in the way. I want a government that is opposed to war, just as people hesitate before fighting (Is this worth it? we all ask.). I want a government that expects accountability and lets failure happen when it’s the mistake of the person or corporation and won’t overwhelm those who can’t absorb the losses. I want a government that is deliberate and simple. Even with Obama and the Democrats in control, we don’t have those things. But I can’t see how Republicans are helping the issue, for I don’t hear civility, opposition to war, accountability, reasonableness, simplicity, and patience. I don’t hear that from anyone except Obama, whose governing demeanor is different than what we’ve had for nearly two decades.

I’m not happy with the way things are or the way things are going, but I think the kind of deliberate, friend-making leadership Obama offers is worth a try. Yes, there are enemies, but there are two ways to destroy an enemy: kill it (which usually creates other enemies) or befriend it (which changes both parties).

I tried to see the good in Bush when I found myself disagreeing and mistrusting his leadership. In fact, I’ve tried that with every politician I’ve disagreed with, for I find it personally comforting to remember that most of our politicians have a good heart. They might be, in my opinion, wrong, but, like me, they want to solve some problems. Plus, I notice that the ones who are open to dialog actually have some good ideas that, balanced with other opinions and ideas, often turn into great ideas.

I’m glad Obama is President, but I’m also glad there are Republicans willing to talk with him, with me, with Democrats. I think the philosopher Hegel was right: a good thesis combined with its antithesis creates a synthesis that is the best idea.

Simplify, Simplify, Simplify

Simplify, Simplify, Simplify

A few times in my life I have met a person who has chosen to radically simplify his or her life in favor of pursuing a new level of independence or a dream. What they give up and gain is astounding to me. They often give up something like their car, eliminating car payments, maintenance costs, fuel costs, and insurance payments, replacing it with $1.50 bus rides, bike rides, walking, and the necessity of planning for a substantial amount of time to reach their destinations. Inevitably I hear them speak about physical fatigue in the same breath as stress reduction and personal relaxation.

They also often give up the size of their home—usually a place filled with either financial or relational conflict—in favor of radically reduced home costs, less stuff to take care of, and spending more time outside.

They often give up a full time job in favor of part-time work, using the extra time for creative or leisure activities. They tell me they don’t miss the 40 hour work week at all, but they are still very active and productive.

Their lives slow down, their financial obligations are reduced, and they find themselves satisfied with less, willing to do less expensive things, very productive,and incredibly happy.

It’s inspiring!