Today is Father’s Day—a good day to write about my sons.
Just like me and my brothers, my sons are so very different from one another, and so very alike. Both are tall. Both can’t very well hide when they enter a room full of people. Both are good athletes and love hard physical work and being outdoors. Both are very smart and have charisma that is unmistakable. Both are obvious leaders.
They are so different, too. One leads from an amazing grasp of what is happening and what needs to be done and is unusually articulate; the other leads from uncanny intuition with few words and guiltless assertiveness. One is powerful; one is nimble and quick. One dreams of making a difference in the social systems we live in; the other dreams of success in the work systems he is part of. One struggles with pressures from very high standards; the other struggles with his own fun-loving shadow.
They give me hope for what’s ahead, not only for them, but also for the many people they do and will influence.
I was fortunate to resolve conflicts with my father (real and imagined) and develop a friendship with him that is still alive and well. Now I’m participating in the development of a similar friendship with my sons. It is wonderful. It’s based mostly on mutual respect and appreciation, but it’s not much about equality. I will never have that intuitive leadership ability or grasp of the whole picture and ability to make complicated things seem simple. I’ll never have their power or nimbleness. They’ll probably never play guitar like me, either. Who cares, though? What was mostly resolved between me and my father was that childish (on my part) competitiveness with him, and I sense the same resolution going on from my sons towards me. What I am beginning to resolve is my illusion of parental superiority. The more I let go of the inclination to advise, the more available I am to them as a pure friend and admirer.
Maybe it’s because we’re so close; maybe because we are father and sons, that this essay isn’t really about my sons. It’s about me and them.
I’m a fortunate father!